ouch!

so today, i cut myself, my right pointing finger and my middle finger. didnt realize that i cut myself til the blood came spilling out. knowing that i was very busy at the time i jumped out and told my sous chef that i was bailing out for a bit. "im bleeding damnit!!!" leaving the kitchen for about 10 minutes while tryin to stop the bleeding, i realized that i cut myself out of carelessness. thinkin about about something maybe...and tonight i realized what that was.....i've been doin the things that leads me to who i am nowadays.....im a fool for believing that the world evolves around me..yet in reality, i evolve within the people around me. i am who am i now because of who im around. pointing that out makes me feel like i dont really know myself..which is true in some instances......like now, knowing that i am drunk...i drove myself home,, hoping that i wouldnt make it..its fucked up how i think about it that way...but what the hell..who really cares????? just me right...i care about myself..and myself only..i should survive for myself and not for someone else.....i mean..the only way to true happiness is knowing yourself..and that i think at this point of my life..i better fucken find myself before i end up getting hurt or hurting someone else.. well.. right now....i better find myself to help me figure out what the fuck is wrong with me. my fingers are numb. fuck!.

seaport village

moving on with life, i found myself having fun on a not so gloomy day of february. it started off with a slow pace but progressed pretty well unto a fine, fun filled day. its been ages since i had fun. i mean work is fun and all but today was different. well yes i was with a friend from work. but still nothing work related.

me and my friend andrea decided to go to seaport village in downtown san diego. well i pretty much made that decision but it all worked out. we enjoyed lunch at the harbor cafe, i think thats what it was called. not bad for seafood, taste-wise, but pretty pricy. we enjoyed it though. we bought hats! i dont know why but there are certain types of hats that works with me. and they are the once that you would not normally see in public. like a top hat, and this one flannel hat with ear muffs. anyways that was cool. im not that big with bizzare hats that i got myself one and it was pretty random of me to get it. after the hats, we got cookies. too sweet for me but i still got some. we headed back to dre's place, she cooked enchiladas and red rice. it was very delicious. i enjoyed it with her friend dan. leutenant dan. funny guy. we drank 40's of budlight. i drank about 2. man that was good. i never drank a 40 in my life but man that was cheap. and i drank them all. while watching super troopers. and then i drove home and had a jog with paws. lasted about 20 minutes and headed back home. now i lay here listening to mellow music while revisiting my life. and now once again writing about it.

its fun when i go out. taking my mind away from my fears, obsessions, procrastinations, work, issues, being insomniac, and etc. on my days off, i normally end up bugging people to go out with no success, or i would find myself driving towards my cousins knowing that they do nothing but study, play video games, watch tv and or movies. but today was different, i was really looking forward to hanging out, exploring san diego, and we did.

i figured i would write about this and many more events in my life since i have not updated this blog for a while. plus maybe, only maybe, i might still have readers out there interested in my life. i am currently working on ways to improve myself and my life. so from this point on i will be once again be active writing-wise. hope this lasts for a while since when boredome hits i really have nothing else to do.