11/22/12

Things that I am thankful for.

One thing that I am thankful for is not harming anyone or anything during my nightly booze cruise. I look back on the stupid things I have done and now understand why I should not do them anymore. My never ending desire to seek happiness through vices was not adequate enough to fulfill myself. An alternative route to living in prosperity was destined for me to unravel and now, I found a way to live it. All those ‘so-called fun’ was short-lived even though I somewhat miss it, I assured myself that I will not do that again. I am very thankful for the fact that I am alive and well.  

I should be thankful for others who want to give in return. I never accept. I only give, help, and/or listen. Growing up, I was labeled as ‘most generous’ student. Even though it was not me who was giving, it was all my parents doing. Back then, my parents would take fruits or rice as payments from their patients who could not afford paying their bills, it was okay for them. I kind of took that occurrence as a way to live my life. I like to do things for others but not ask for anything in return. My principle does not really make sense. I am pretty sure that I have given away so much while growing up. People still owe me many things/favors. I just end up forgetting about it and not caring much for it. I have to thank everyone for being nice to me in return at least. So, thank you. And I should try to be more considerate of what others can do for me. This is going to be tough.

Thanksgiving was not an occasion that we observed while growing up. I guess that was because while living in the Philippines, Filipinos are thankful for everything. We live life everyday while giving thanks and prayers to each other, in a sense. I first celebrated thanksgiving with my parents at my uncle’s house back in 1996. I thought it was only about food and I loved it. I don’t think we are celebrating it this year. For some reason it was not planned at all. I am thankful for my secondary family, my uncle’s. They helped me go through many things in life. I am where I am now because of them.

Of course, I will never leave out my very own family. My sister Vanessa, thank you for being my best friend since we were young. I always remember myself as being mean to her but slowly; I remember how much of a team we were. I look out for her.  When we last met, we reminisced on how bratty we were. We fought because we wanted what each other had and we end up sharing them anyways. We laughed about it. I never got to see her grow up. Our life together was shortened because of my move here in the U.S. All I want now is to make it up to her but it is different now.  My brother Julius, thank you for making life a challenge. For trying to lead me academically, religiously, and also for being an example on how mom and dad want their children to grow up and become. You truly inspired me to study harder, reach out to reality and live life to the fullest. I admire your accomplishments and was trying to match it at one point but decided to let it be since you were always the smartest one of the bunch.  My loving mom and dad, both of you have nurtured me from the get go.  My mama, thank you for always having me in your mind and in your heart.  I always listened to whatever she was telling me. I may sound like a rebel while I was growing up but I do believed and understood her ways and beliefs. I did rely on her many times before but I wanted to show her how I grown up I was. I still feel like I have to prove myself but I should know better. I cannot win because I still have many things to learn. My papa, thank you for being there to show me how I can be strong like you. I never had a comic superhero while growing up. I looked up to my dad. He was and still is my superdad. Being strong is difficult moments is what my dad is good at. I admire that trait and still do act it out. He has such a strong façade, so to say…  I was scared of him when I was young. Always afraid of being scolded, but he would only gaze at me with those glaring eyes whenever I was doing something foolish. I knew when I was doing something wrong because he was that firm of a father to know what is right and what was wrong. I know that time have passed and everyone has grown older but I assure you that I have all of them close to my heart. I love my family and I thank them for guiding me and helping me become who I am now. I just wish that we were closer together so I can fill in the gap that was missing for the last thirteen years.